


my stars

by thestarsaretalking



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Eventual Romance, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-19 08:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22141501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestarsaretalking/pseuds/thestarsaretalking
Summary: poe dameron grew up loving the stars and just when he thought nothing could compete with his affinity for space, he met finn
Relationships: BB-8 & Poe Dameron & Finn, Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Shara Bey & Poe Dameron
Comments: 4
Kudos: 119





	my stars

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is kind of different from the canon, but it generally matches up with the canon timeline/the sequels trilogy’s timeline! also tros made me super sad so this is also sort of a product of that

“You belong with the stars.”

Poe’s mother, Shara Bey, told Poe this on his sixth birthday while they sat under the steady branches of the force-tree on their home planet, Yavin IV. She gifted Poe a pilot’s helmet that was painted orange and white for his birthday, and Poe wore the helmet as he huddled closer to his mother, the cold air of the night nipping at his skin. Wrapping a protective arm around her son, Poe’s mother pointed at the night sky that was dusted with hundreds of thousands of stars.

“Do you see all that, Poe? There’s so much more out there than just this planet. One day, you’re going to explore all that out there. Maybe you’ll be the one to save the galaxy.”

Poe glanced up at his mother in awe, pushing the pilot’s helmet a little higher so he could see properly. His mother smiled at the curiosity and star-struck look in his chocolate-brown eyes before she adjusted his helmet slightly. As she leaned her back against the sturdy trunk of the force-tree, Shara tilted her head up so the edges of the force-tree’s branches brushed against the clustered stars in the sky.

“Luke Skywalker gave this tree to me as a gift and as a reminder that there’s still hope in the world. And every time I see this tree, I’m reminded of you. You’re going to do great things out there in space one day, son, I know it.” Her voice was coated in emotion that settled over the chilly air of the night like a soothing melody blanketing the harmony of violins. 

“I won’t let you down, Mom. I’ll be the best pilot in the galaxy,” Poe determinedly answered, wearing a confident expression as he sat up straighter. His mother laughed, carefully tucking one of Poe’s dark curls underneath the helmet. 

“I don’t have any doubts about it.”

After that night, Poe climbed up the branches of the force-tree night after night to stare at the stars. He would often search for ships soaring through the sky that left behind fading silver streaks. On some days, he would bring his helmet with him and wear it while he observed the endless canvas of stars to remind him of where he was meant to be. He knew the force-tree was important, and while he had no idea why others thought so, he found a sense of comfort in the tree as it reminded him of his mother and his home.

Instead of running around town, chasing after girls and causing mischief like the other boys, Poe asked his mother to take him flying in her ship. Shara loved flying as much as Poe did, maybe even more, and rarely ever said no to his request. His mother taught him how to fly her A-wing ever since he turned six by allowing him to sit in her lap and guiding his arms and hands from behind his back. She took Poe flying enough times with guidance for him to feel confident that he could fly by himself if he tried. So he tried.

Technically, there was no age restriction on how old one must be to fly a spaceship but anybody with common sense knew that it’s not a good idea for a seven-year-old to be flying a ship alone, which is exactly what Poe did. He had to wait a few years before he could attend the flight academy and train to be a pilot, but Poe was never good at waiting.

When his parents were both busy and distracted, Poe snuck out and took his mother’s A-wing out for a flight. The sun was just setting, which gave Poe the perfect opportunity to see the stars as they appeared in the sky in their breathtaking patterns. 

His hands flew across the controls of the A-wing like he was plucking a familiar melody on the guitar and before he could fully consider the repercussions of his actions, Poe Dameron was flying. As he soared through the air, adrenaline coursed through his veins, driving him to fly faster and further into the melting colors of the sunset. 

The town looked so tiny from his view up in the sky. He felt as if he could reach out his hand and fit the town in the palm of his hand. Soon, the sun disappeared as the night painted the sky dark blue and the universe sprinkled silver stars in the air. If it weren’t for the fact that he had to return home quickly, Poe would have flown past the atmosphere to chase after the metallic stars in an attempt to capture one and keep its brightness to himself.

Poe drastically miscalculated the amount of time he had spent flying. He thought he had only been up in the air for thirty minutes, a generally short time to be gone. However, he only found out he had been in the air for three hours when he found his parents waiting for him where his mother’s A-wing was usually parked.

Obviously, Poe’s parents were upset that Poe snuck off and flew the A-wing in the night sky without their permission and supervision. They chastised him for half an hour about the dangers of flying alone and untrained and grounded him for three weeks, which wasn’t a terrible punishment in all honesty. The consequences of flying alone at night didn’t teach Poe anything at all as he learned to sneak out more stealthily so his parents wouldn’t find out. 

A few weeks after Poe turned eight (and a few weeks before the death of his mother), his mother gave him her wedding ring. When Shara first placed her silver wedding ring in the palm of Poe’s hand, Poe had looked at his mother with a confused expression, unsure of what she meant by handing him her wedding ring.

“Save this for your future partner. Give it to them once you’re certain that they’re the love of your life,” Shara smiled as she gently closed Poe’s fingers around the ring. 

“How do I know if they’re the one?” Poe asked, looking down at his hand. His dark eyes reflected his fascination with the idea of meeting his one true love one day.

His mother chuckled, looking him in the eye as she explained, “When you meet somebody who makes you as happy as you feel when you explore the stars, that’s the person you should give this to. You’ll recognize the feeling for sure.”

To make sure he wouldn’t lose it, he attached the ring to a chain and wore it as a necklace. Then, when his mother passed away, the ring became a reminder of her endless love and support. 

The night after Shara’s funeral, Poe flew his mother’s A-wing in the dark sea of glittering stars. He placed a hand over the ring dangling around his neck and closed his eyes, imagining his mother next to him teaching him how to fly with her soft hands that kept his hands steady. When he opened his eyes again, Poe searched for a pattern in the stars, maybe something that would tell him the answer to what he should do now that his mother was gone. 

The constellations refused to spell out his future but somehow, knowing that the stars would always be in the skies for him was all the comfort he needed.

-

Poe eventually attended flight academy and became one of the best pilots in his class. At the start, Poe wasn’t the most skilled pilot but he had the most passion out of everybody. While other people still put in effort into learning how to fly, Poe poured his heart and soul into flying.

Many years after his parents first found out that he would sneak out at night to soar among the stars, Poe continued to creep out of his dorm at the flight academy so he could fly his favorite ship, which happened to be an X-Wing that was to be used only by the instructors. He got into trouble a couple of times when he was caught but other than that, Poe had no regrets about borrowing the X-Wing.

His ability to maneuver an X-Wing was what allowed him to quickly gain the rank of Commander in the Resistance. And with his flying skills, Poe gained the status of being the best pilot in the Resistance. Every time somebody mentioned it, he always broke into a giant smile, remembering the promise he made to his mother under the force-tree.

People’s compliments and Poe’s status in the Resistance greatly contributed to his confidence, which is why when a storm-trooper who saved him from further interrogation from Kylo Ren mentioned he needed a pilot, Poe had replied with a smirk, “I can fly anything.”

With the help of Finn (FN-2187 hardly suited him), Poe escaped from the grasp of the First Order. Poe had no clue why he felt as though a part of him had been torn off when he crash-landed in Jakku and woke up without Finn by his side. And when they were finally reunited at the Resistance’s base and crashed into each other’s arms, Poe closed his eyes and saw the night sky and its countless stars. Was this the feeling his mother had described to him? If so, Poe wanted to spend every moment of his life feeling like this.

To his dismay, he wasn’t able to tell Finn what he felt because Finn was injured when he fought Kylo Ren. He was unconscious for a long time and when Poe was slowly healing, Poe often stopped by the medbay to check on Finn. Some days, he sat next to Finn and told him stories about his childhood on Yavin IV, his experiences in the flight academy, and his feelings about fighting for the Resistance.

“I want to take you flying one day. I know we’ve flown together already, but I want to take you across the galaxy and show you all the stars in space. That’s the only way I can show you what it feels like to be in love with you,” Poe smiled sadly, watching Finn’s chest rise and fall steadily as he rested peacefully. He placed a hand on the glass surrounding Finn’s body and closed his eyes, wishing that Finn would wake up soon, before leaving the medbay.

A few days later, the First Order found the Resistance and during the evacuation, Poe decided to order an attack on the dreadnought, knowing that this was a rare opportunity they couldn’t miss out on. While the dreadnought was successfully destroyed, so was half of the Resistance’s resources and fighters. If that wasn’t enough weight on Poe’s conscience, surely being demoted to captain by the General Organa. To top that all off, after General Organa fell unconscious, Vice Admiral Holdo was in charge and had no plans to respect or listen to Poe. 

The only thing that eased Poe’s heart was the fact that Finn was awake and well. When Poe arrived on the evacuation ship, BB-8 alerted him that Finn was stumbling through the halls (or in his words: “Finn, Naked, Leaking bag”). Poe joyfully ran over to Finn to greet him, fully prepared to tell him everything that happened while he was unconscious. 

“Where’s Rey?” Finn asked, his eyes wide with concern. Poe tried not to wince at how the words felt like a slap in the face and reassured Finn that Rey was safe and found Luke Skywalker. He knew Finn surely had no idea Poe talked to him every day when he was in the medbay but it still hurt to have the most important person in his life dismiss him so quickly.

This point was emphasized when Finn and Rose came to him with a plan to save the Resistance. The plan was great, but Poe casually questioned, “Just curious, how did you guys come up with this plan?”

Rose’s eyes lit up as she explained, “Well, I was in the hangar and I caught Finn trying to escape. So, I stunned him and-“

“Wait, Finn, you were trying to escape? Why?” Poe hated the emotion tangled in his words. Finn refrained from meet Poe’s eyes, staring at his hands to avoid eye contact.

“I didn’t think there was a reason to stay and fight. But we have a chance now and that’s what matters,” Finn shrugged indifferently before continuing to explain the plan. Wishing that he could learn how to not take everything Finn said personally, Poe tried not to think about how Finn didn’t consider that he would be leaving Finn behind when planning his escape.

Poe had plenty of time to think over everything when he woke up after being blasted by General Organa with a stun gun. He stared out of the window at the thousands of stars scattered in space, allowing the guilt of ruining Holdo’s plan to poison his heart. In all honesty, the only reason Poe felt guilty was because the General approved of Holdo’s plan. Maybe he was an impulsive flyboy like Holdo had called him. That would explain why Finn didn’t want to stay for him.

While Poe knew that flying would compromise the plan, he couldn’t stop himself from wishing he could fly right now. It would most definitely distract himself from the self-loathing thoughts that were a second away from becoming too overwhelming. His hand reached for the ring around his neck and clasps around it tightly, as if it was his lifeline and letting go would mean certain doom. He continued to silently gaze at the stars and hope that everything will work out. 

As if the stars had heard his voiceless calls for help, the Resistance successfully escaped with the help of Rey. Poe wished he didn’t care about Finn as much as he did because it would be a lot easier to pretend that he wasn’t bothered when he heard about Finn’s kiss with Rose and when he saw Finn run with Rey’s arms after she helped them escape from the cave. 

With Poe’s ability to fool everybody into believing he was okay when he wasn’t, Poe hid his feelings about Finn well from most people. He had a sneaking suspicion that General Organa knew about how he felt towards Finn because he was assigned to go on countless missions with Finn by his side.

Nobody wished that he didn’t have to hide his feelings more than Poe did. He desperately wanted to tell Finn that if all the stars in the sky suddenly disappeared, he wouldn’t mind because he had Finn’s beautiful smile in his life. But he couldn’t. Poe simply couldn’t compromise his friendship with Finn. If Finn didn’t feel the same way, it would make working together awkward, which would put the functionality of the Resistance at risk. Plus, they had a war to fight and there wasn’t enough space for love when you’re surrounded by death.

There were moments during their missions together where Poe wanted to spill all his feelings and confess his love to Finn all at once, like how when an open bag of skittles is held upside down, all the candies slide out onto the floor at one time. When Poe flew Finn to galaxies he had never been to before, he observed Finn’s wonder at the incredible planets among the glinting stars. Poe fell more in love with Finn with every gasp that slipped from his lips when he saw a new species on a planet and how attentive Finn was when he was learning a new skill.

Before their last mission (or the mission that Poe knew would either destroy the First Order or destroy the Resistance), Poe chose Finn as his co-general, not because he was madly in love with the man, but rather because he trusted Finn and knew that if he sacrificed his life to save the Resistance, the Resistance would be in the trustworthy hands of Finn. 

In his bedroom, moments before he had to face the army Palpatine built, Poe sat on the edge of his bed, tracing the outer edge of the ring around his neck. Poe noted Finn’s empty bed, located on the other side of the room, and closed his eyes, wondering if the bed would stay empty forever. He contemplated his options. Knowing what they were up against, the chances of Poe surviving were much smaller than he wanted them to be. 

In the most likely scenario, if Poe died fighting and Finn survived, the only way Finn would know that Poe loved him was if Poe left him the ring. If Finn and Poe both survived, Poe would have more time to work up the courage to tell him how he feels without the immediate threat of war. And if Finn and Poe both died… well, Poe didn’t want to think about what that would mean for the Resistance. 

“BB-8, what should I do? Should I leave the ring on Finn’s bed? Or should I just take it with me and die knowing that Finn will never know how much I love him?” Poe sighed, falling back onto his bed, his back hitting the mattress with a dull thud. He placed a hand on his forehead while his other hand still clutched onto the ring tightly. “Maybe I shouldn’t leave the ring. Because it might make Finn sad and be a reminder of my death. I’d much rather he move on after I die.”

‘How do you know you’ll die? Why don’t you tell Finn how you feel?’ BB-8 asked through a binary, bumping lightly against Poe’s leg as he rolled around.

“Realistically, our odds aren’t looking great so I’ve accepted that this is the last mission I’ll be going on. Also, I don’t think Finn loves me back and I don’t want to guilt him into reciprocating the feelings.” Poe paused for a moment to think about the possible scenarios of how Finn would react. He shook his head and continued, “Yeah, it wouldn’t end well. It’s too hard to explain how these things work to a droid.”

BB-8 chirped indignantly before replying, ‘Why are you overthinking? Where’s the impulsive Poe?’

Poe thought about how Admiral Holdo berated him for his recklessness and sighed, “War changes people. If we weren’t in the middle of this war, then I would have already told him about how I feel in addition to thinking he would want to be my boyfriend. I mean, it would be pretty terrible for me if I poured my heart out and made a whole speech about how I want to bring him to my home on Yavin IV to show him where I first started flying and how I see stars in his eyes when our eyes meet. And maybe I would confess how I want to hold his hand and never let go and how I would steal all the stars in the universe for him if it meant it would keep him happy forever.”

“I want him to know that by giving him this ring, I’m finally admitting I love him with all my heart. But I guess I’ll never get the chance to tell him,” Poe stood up and removed the necklace from where it was nestled safely in the comfort of his collar. He walked over to Finn’s bed and placed it on his friend’s pillow before leaving the bedroom without looking back. BB-8 whirred dejectedly, glancing at the ring on Finn’s pillow before he followed Poe out the door. 

Although Poe had assured everybody that the Resistance would prevail in the end, he found it difficult to believe his own words and was surprised when they successfully demolished the First Order. When he returned to their base, Poe was elated to be hugged by everybody but he was the most thrilled to see Finn and Rey. They hugged and Poe closed his eyes, willing himself to remember this moment of sweet victory. Poe was about to join everybody in celebrating their accomplishment when he suddenly remembered that he left the ring on Finn’s bed. 

He sprinted to his bedroom, offering grins to people patted him on the shoulder in a congratulatory manner and hoping that he would get to the room before Finn did. Poe’s heart was a porcelain vase that shattered into a million pieces when he saw Finn’s empty pillow. Poe tried to calm himself down while he searches for the ring. Maybe the ring fell on the floor or buried itself in Finn’s blankets. Maybe somebody-

“Looking for something?” Poe lifted his head up to see Finn standing behind him. Embarrassed, Poe rose and cleared his throat, adjusting his collar.

“Uh, no. Just… looking around to make sure nothing was stolen.” Finn raised an eyebrow skeptically, clearly not buying Poe’s transparent lie. Normally, Poe was great at lying when he went on missions but around Finn, he miraculously lost his ability to create convincing lies.

“I know what you’re looking for,” Finn paused and reached into the pocket of his jacket. He held out the silver ring with the chain still threaded through it in the palm of his hand. “I found this on my pillow before we left.”

“Oh, I probably misplaced that. Sorry about that,” Poe replied with a tight smile, curious to see if Finn still wanted to keep it. He probably had no idea what the ring meant at all. Had Finn seen the ring hanging around Poe’s neck before? Poe had always been careful to keep it hidden, but considering how much time he spent around Finn, Finn could have seen it once or twice. Hopefully, he hadn’t come to the conclusion that Poe kept the ring with him at all times because it had a significance.

The ring glistened in Finn’s open palm, sitting patiently as Finn replied, “I heard you talking to BB-8 about what you wanted to say to me before you left the ring on my pillow.”

“Oh,” Poe gulped. “You don’t need to, you know, pretend you share the same feelings if you don’t. It’s fine really. I just thought that-“ 

Finn cut him off by kissing him on the lips. He placed a soft hand on the back of Poe’s neck, bringing him closer so the kiss was deepened. Poe responded by closing his eyes and placing a hand on Finn’s hip. 

The kiss was a billion galaxies dancing on Poe’s lips, a million shooting stars bursting into bright lights in Poe’s head, and a thousand supernovas exploding in his fingertips. It was everything Poe had ever wished for in his entire life. At last, Poe found love.

“What did you think?” Finn asked innocently after they broke the kiss. Poe shoved him playfully as Finn burst into laughter.

“You piece of- I can’t believe you knew this whole time!” Poe exclaimed, feeling a blush spread across his cheeks. 

Finn chuckled while he cupped his hand on Poe’s cheek, grazing over the stubble along Poe’s jawline. He met the pilot’s eyes with a warm gaze, “You’re lucky I overheard you talking to BB-8 or else I would’ve just continued to suffer in silence. I was completely clueless.”

“You thought I didn’t love you back? Finn, you are honestly so-“

Poe’s chance to tease Finn was stolen when Finn kissed him again with a little more fire in his action. As he kissed Finn back, Poe thought to himself ‘I could really get used to this.’ 

Poe does get used to Finn waking up, curled next to his body with his arms around Poe’s torso. He becomes familiar with the sight of his mother’s ring hanging around Finn’s neck, eager to find its home on Finn’s ring finger one day. Poe learns that the Sun’s light could never compare to Finn’s shining smile and learns that under the ocean of shining stars, Poe found the love of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> leave some comments and kudos if ya want! thank u for reading :)


End file.
